The weather outside in Boston today reflects my mood inside. I'm feeling like I want to curl up under a blanket with a cup of tea, be cozy, and reflect. I have now lived five years without my mom. Five years without her guidance. Five years not hearing her voice cheer me on. Five years without her by my side through life's many ups and downs.
Peter and I give a toast at every meal we have together. We trade off most nights, but sometimes we both say a toast...it depends. Last night, before our wonderful Zaftigs comfort food meal, which was surprised delivered to us by our wonderful friends, Peter gave a toast to me - "to kicking ass these last 5 years."
I woke up this morning, and like I have every February 25th for the last few years, I look back on what I was doing this time of day - on that day. And then I thought about Peter's toast to me the night before. If someone had asked me before she died how I would be if she did, I would have said something about not being able to go on without her. She was a part of my everyday. How do you exist without a person that you are that close to...that much a part of? I'm not quite sure how I've done it, but here I am....stronger in mind and spirit than I've ever been. She had a huge hand in giving me the determination to succeed in life - especially in her death.
I was asked recently if I get sad when photographing weddings, seeing the brides with their moms. And in complete, complete honesty - No. That bride isn't me. That mom isn't my mom. The relationship they have is unique to them. What I do think my mom's passing has given me though, is a heightened sense of the small moments that happen everyday, but especially at weddings.
As photographers, our job is to see these moments and grab them before they pass. These moments are fleeting, and often will be overlooked or forgotten...if it weren't for a photograph. I was a photographer before my mom died, but in the last few years I feel like I've really begun to see a style emerging from my photographs. I see emotion. I see warmth. And, this may be simple, but I see love.
These are just a few images that made me pause in my editing. Very often I sit at my desk with tears in my eyes...tears of joy, tears of sadness...re-witnessing a moment in people's lives, which I was incredibly honored to witness in person, and lucky enough to see it again, but this time really be able to reflect on what I captured. Some of these I've posted before, others I will be posting soon.
Kelly looked in the mirror just briefly before heading out the door. Her expression says so much to me.
There is so much joy, and excitement, and bit of nervous energy being expressed in the bridesmaid's face. I feel like you don't need to see the rest of the getting ready images...this one image gives the entire feeling of that morning.
A brother seeing his older sister actually get married.
This image is so peaceful and to me, sets the tone for their entire ceremony.
This is one of my favorite images that I've ever taken. If you'd like, you can read more about it here.
I don't know what if feels like to see your daughter get married, or to see your other daughter give a speech at her wedding, but this image makes me feel pride, and love, and something that's a little bittersweet - and maybe that's a fraction of the way it actually feels.
Hands tell so much of a story.
I love this moment too...laughter is just as strong as tears.
My favorite part of this photograph is the mom and son in the background. She has her arm on his arm...and I, of course, couldn't help but think about the fact that one day she'll be dancing with him at his wedding.
And, we'll end on this beautiful image of Sarah dancing with her four (four!) daughters at Aynsley's wedding. A beautiful moment...and a beautiful woman.
*****
I am so lucky to live the life I live. Thank you to all my clients (turned friends) for allowing me to be a part of your life story. I am truly, truly grateful to know you all.
....And thank you to my mom, for loving me more than I will ever know...and for supporting me in this dream of mine to be a photographer. I wish you could see how successful that dream has become.
