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Another addition of our Settled Dust series, in which couples looked back on their wedding a few weeks or months afterwards. Casey & Eli are up!
Eli
1) What is the stand out moment from your day?
Obviously the ceremony was a stand out moment but aside from that I had a particularly wonderful out-of-body moment while we were dancing. I don't consider myself a dancer, but at one point I recall being in the middle of a circle of people, spinning around with Casey and watching all of the faces whiz by. There's nothing that drives home the love and support of amazing friends and family like seeing them all side by side, literally all around you.
2) How was your wedding day different than you expected it to be?
I think this is probably a fairly common answer but even though I think we managed to keep it pretty low-key, it was bigger than I had originally pictured it. Not in terms of number of people, so much, but in terms of what it felt like - a bigger deal than I expected. That said, it was also more beautiful: we had an amazing crew of people that jumped in the last couple days to help pull all of it together and I could never have expected the results of all of that help.
3) Any words of advice for engaged couples embarking on the planning process?
(I'd like to preface this by saying I am certainly NOT an expert so any advice I offer should be taken with a grain of well-meaning salt). We just got back from year of travel so we planned the entire thing in two and a half months or so. What I've heard from friends with longer engagements makes me think it's all sort of like packing for a trip: whatever size bag you have, you will fill it; whatever length engagement you have, you will fill it. Within that, take it one thing at a time starting from the big top decisions and working down, and know that the only piece of all of the decisions being made that is truly important is the relationship beneath it all.
Casey
1) What is the stand out moment from your day?
it was during the ceremony that everything both came together and
entered a dreamy, elevated zone. listening to our friends speak, seeing
the crowd of family and friends around us, centering myself by seeing
eli in front of me. a distinctly surreal and intensely real experience
of life happening moment to moment washed over me. that and constantly
seeing all of the wide smiles on the faces of everyone we
love...awesome.
2) How was your wedding day different than you expected it to be?
i have to agree with eli in that it was larger-than-life for us. originally we envisioned a teeny celebration - but this evolved due to our timing being paralleled with arriving home from a year-long international trip. that combined with our creative tendencies, meticulous natures and positively exhaustively helpful family and friends - and we found ourselves in the midst of an amazing creation. it really became an epic celebration of not only our experience being together, committing to this - but also of the community of support around us. a testament of sorts - i love that so many people had a hand in making it happen. from setting tables, to dancing our bums off, to cleaning up the next day. also - it is all such a whirlwind, more so than expected. time evaporated as i tried to experience everything as much and naturally as possible - as well as get a chance to really talk to everyone!
3) Any words of advice for engaged couples embarking on the planning process?
given that our planning process was somewhat less than
traditional, i'd say that eli hit it on the head - take a big bag and
you'll fill it. also, like packing for a trip, lay it all out and cut it
in half. no matter what. truly, no one else is considering the details
as much as you are - they are there to celebrate and have fun, not
review your planning abilities, thank goodness. i'm sure lots of folks
say this, but really - don't get carried away. less is more, in so many
ways. it leaves you more time for celebrating and really being there
with everyone - which particularly important given how quick it all
passes by.
i found the words of a dear friend resonating in my
head during the week before, "you set up the pins and just let everyone
else knock 'em down" - thanks bonnie! i love this analogy - it applies
to so much more than event planning. i took that to heart - and was also
a monster list maker. but on top of that - i let go of the control
during the week and day of - i just let other folks know where the
pieces were and set things up - and trusted that it was all good,
however it happened. and it was. it was even better because of that.
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If you'll remember, last year I began a series entitled Settled Dust, in which couples looked back on their wedding a few weeks or months afterwards. This year we begin with Sarah & Patrick. One thing I enjoy about doing this series is seeing how the couple generally has the same answers. I ask for them to answer them separately and without fail they'll always have at least one answer that's practically the same.
And...these particular answers call out the importance of hiring talented vendors who contribute to your day, which is always wonderful to hear. Sarah & Patrick also really valued the "first look" they opted to do – even when they're parents were hesitant at their decision. They've come around now, after seeing through the photographs what it was like for Sarah & Patrick. Stay true to how you want your day to be.
Sarah
1) What is the stand out moment from your day?
It’s very hard to pick just one!! After much consideration, I’d have to say my favorite part of the day was our “first look”. From sneaking up behind Patrick, to whispering in his ear to turn around – “this is it!!”, to seeing his reaction – it was even more perfect than my dreams.
Whenever I would get stressed about the wedding (especially during the last weeks leading up to the big day), I would think about Patrick seeing me in my dress for the first time and a huge smile would just spread across my face. The real thing was even better than I’d imagined…Patrick’s raw emotions pretty much knocked me off my feet. I can’t even put into words how wonderful and special I felt – it was truly a magical moment and something I’ll treasure for the rest of my life. Patrick is my best friend in the world and makes me feel special every day, but this was a whole new level and something I’ll never forget.
The cherry on top was riding around on the back of the golf cart to take our “first look” pictures on a special part of the island where Patrick and I had never been before – as we passed the island locals, we were greeted with whoops and cheers, applause and shouts of congratulations. I truly felt like a very special bride.
When we returned for the ceremony – I actually felt excited, rather than the nervous anticipation I was feeling all morning. I was able to truly enjoy the ceremony and everything after – I was such a giddy bride!!! Everything was so much fun – and I really enjoyed soaking it all in.
2) How was your wedding day different than you expected it to be?
It was like a fairy tale. It didn’t go by as fast as everyone said it would. Patrick and I were able to enjoy every minute of it. I remember we kept looking at each other and saying how wonderful everything was – it came together so perfectly!!
3) Any words of advice for engaged couples embarking on the planning process?
Hire a wedding planner/coordinator unless you have unlimited time to plan your wedding, even if you don’t think you need one. I was convinced that we would be able to do everything ourselves – we’re both very organized. However, this is something that Patrick adamantly pushed for – and when I finally succumbed – it didn’t take me long to realize it was the best decision we made (and I give him all the credit!). Our wedding coordinator (Sarah Goodwin of Daisies and Pearls) was so much more than the average coordinator and helped us in so many ways – from finding and helping us articulate our cohesive vision, to ironing out the minute details, to coordinating with all of our vendors (and a whole lot more!)… it took a lot of stress out of planning our big day. And everything came together so perfectly – it was really magical (I know I’ve said that a few times already, but I can’t help it!).
And also, hire great photographers!! Seeing our wedding captured through Lara’s photos is almost better than we remembered it!! We’ll have these memories that will last us a lifetime and we’re forever grateful for her amazing talent (and that of her wonderful husband, Peter and great assistant, Kate).
Patrick
1) What is the stand out moment from your day?
There were so many special moments, its hard to identify one as the stand-out. among my most favorite memories was the time sarah and I spent riding around the island on back of the golf cart while Lara and Peter drove up front. It was really the only time that we spent absolutely to ourselves. And it was so much fun for people to see us as we drove by, and to then cheer and wave when they realized we had just been married. It just totally rounded out the island wedding experience for me - me and my bride puttering around the island roads on the back of a rusty old goft cart with the locals serenading us with well wishes and congratulations. It was classic.
2) How was your wedding day different than you expected it to be?
On the morning of the wedding, I was far more nervous/anxious than I anticipated. I don't think my groosmen found me particular fun to be with and I could barely eat. There wasn't any identifiable triger for my hightened nerves, just the mangitude of the day seemingly catching up with me. Once I had a chance to see Sarah in her dress for the first time, at our "first look", my anxiety immediately eased. I knew I wasn't in it alone, and the rest of the day from there was absolutely incredibly. On the day of your wedding, there's really only one other person who knows just what you're feeling, and you are generally kept apart for the first part of the day. It was so nice to relieve that stress by seeing my bride in a private moment before our ceremony, and it also allowed for some special photographs.
3) Any words of advice for engaged couples embarking on the planning process?
I have narrowed it to 2 and can't decide so am listing both. My first piece of advice is to hire a wedding planner/coordinator. We were fortunate enough to have found Sarah Goodwin of Daisies and Pearls, and don't know what we would have done without her. For us, it was particularly important because we were planning a Maine wedding from Massachusetts. Sarah did far more than I can list here - and was a constant source of wisdom, vision, inspiration, reality and friendship. The day of the wedding I was so nervous (see point 2 above), I couldn't imagine having to do anything, let alone the littany of tasks Sarah tended to. She was a miracle worker. My second piece of advice is to allow as much time to escape from the crowd for photographs as you can. Each time we look back at our wedding photographs, we are transported back to that day. We set aside several times to get away for photographs, and are able to now enjoy photographs from many different parts of the day.
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Thank you all again for allowing me to indulge in a look back at our wedding. We've had a lot of great feadback. Keep the questions coming!
These are questions that I ask my couples after their wedding day has passed (after the dust has settled). I figured it would be fun to end our wedding story with Peter & me answering the same questions. I didn't look at Peter's answers before I wrote mine, but we think a bit similarly it seems.
Peter
1) What is the stand out moment from your day?
For me, it's a tie between two moments:
1. Taking the first few steps down the aisle holding Lara's hand. I remember thinking, 'This is really happening right now. This is our wedding ceremony.' It felt good to see all of our people there in front of us, and to be walking towards them together.
2. Towards the end of the night we took a walk down to the water. We looked back at our reception happening - the building lit up, music playing inside, with our friends and family all dancing, talking, or milling about - and had a chance to think about the fact that we just got married, and that all these people from our lives were here to celebrate that with us.
2) How was your wedding day different than you expected it to be?
I didn't try to imagine or visualize the day beforehand. So in that way it was nothing like I expected it to be, I guess. But it didn't differ from what I would have wanted.
3) Any words of advice for engaged couples embarking on the planning process?
Don't let the wedding planning become more important than the marriage planning. Remember that the point of having a wedding is to get married to each other, and try to remind yourselves of that that when you're stressing out about details that are truly besides the point. That being said, be as fancy, or crafty, or simple as you want - but be sure to make your wedding yours.
Lara
1) What is the stand out moment from your day?
There are quite a few moments from our day that I've thought about over the last many months. However, the moment that I've gone back to a few times when I want to feel the feeling of our wedding day happened towards the end of the night. Peter & I went outside to look back on the building filled with so many of our family & friends - to take everything in. (I specifically requested that we do this weeks before.) We went outside and decided to sit in the arbor our friend had made for us. Someone grabbed our photographer and asked him to take a photo of us, which I'm so grateful we have now. As he was photographing us a song came on that means a quite a lot to us. We decided to sit on the bench and sing. We belted out the song and I felt completely content in that moment. One of the most favorite moments of my life thus far.
2) How was your wedding day different than you expected it to be?
I've asked this question of a few couples now. Answering it myself, I realize I never really thought about my day before we were engaged. However, while planning I hoped our day would feel like us. I imagined what it would be like to have so many of our family and friends there to support us. I was looking forward to one entire day to focus on the relationship Peter & I have worked so hard on - and to celebrate the future together. I have to say…it was everything I hoped for and so much more.
3) Any words of advice for engaged couples embarking on the planning process?
Your wedding should be a day that reflects who you are as a couple - whatever that means to you. You get one shot at it, so make it everything you want it to be. That may mean creating a day that's incredibly low-key and intimate, or maybe it means something far from an average day filled with details. Whichever you choose - make sure it feels like you. As long as the day is genuine to you - everything will fall into place to make your wedding day everything you want it to be.
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This may be my favorite Settled Dust from our 2011 weddings. Jessie & Mark seemed so present during their entire day, but even with that - moments slip by and slip your mind.
One of our favorite parts of the day is when we get a few moments alone with the couple immediately following the ceremony. In Mark's answers he emphasizes why those moments are important to our couples too.
Jessie
1) What is the stand out moment from your day?
There were so many wonderful parts of our wedding day, that its hard to describe which one was my favorite, but if I had to choose I would honestly say the LAST 5 MINUTES of our reception was fantastic. Before playing the last song, which was of course, Lady Gaga's Born This Way, Eric (our DJ) introduced us one last time as a married couple! We were in the middle of the dance floor and all of our family and friends were around us, cheering, screaming and clapping. It was louder than the music itself, and it was just one of those moments where I felt so loved, standing next to my husband, with everyone around us celebrating our union. We then danced harder than we've ever danced--it was the greatest!
2) How was your wedding day different than you expected it to be?
Our wedding day definetly went by much faster than I thought it would go. Even with EVERYONE telling us how fast it would fly by, its hard to believe them until you are there, and you feel like you are having an out of body experience, knowing that you are having a good time, but trying to hug and kiss and take photos with everyone! I thought it would have lasted for at least 5 more hours. It was also a blessing to have Mark's mom be at the wedding after her surgery just days before and it made the day that much more important to Mark and I, really putting life into perspective and knowing that we were there to make a committment of love for a lifetime together.
3) Any words of advice for engaged couples embarking on the planning process?
Words of Advice: RELAX! Don't get crazy, because things change, vendors fall through, and remember that even though this is your wedding day, life is still happening all around you. Dont forget to stop for a minute and take it all in. Stop looking at all of these things as tasks on a "TO DO" list because you will miss the excitement of it all. Also remember that everyone has an opinion, but that is just what they are, opinions---what YOU want is what counts. And remember to keep loving each other every step of the way (even when you disagree on music selections or how thick the ribbon on your cake should be!).
Mark
1) What is the stand out moment from your day?
For me, the moment that stands out most in my mind from our wedding day is actually the moment we took with both you and Peter following the ceremony. I think this stands out for me because it truly is one of the only parts of the day that I actually fully remember! The rest of the day was such a (fabulous and exciting) blur. Having that time to relish the moment with Jessie was so important now that I look back on the day.
2) How was your wedding day different than you expected it to be?
The day was such a blur. Friends of ours that had recently gotten married reiterated this point to us many times, but I don't think we ever took it to heart. It seemed like the fastest day of my life. One minute we were exchanging rings and the next we were leaving the venue and headed to our honeymoon. I hadn't expected it to go that fast and I am just thankful we have pictures to remember and relieve the day.
3) Any words of advice for engaged couples embarking on the planning process?
I think all would-be grooms (and brides of course!) spend a great deal of time stressing out about getting every detail nailed down months in advance of the big day. While there are items that need to be booked in advance, like a great photographer, I think couples shouldn't rush to make decisions just for the sake of getting it done. Jessie and I rushed through our music selection, which just ended in a huge argument. After the fact, three days before the wedding I was driving to work and two songs came to me out the blue. These ended up being what we walked down the aisle to. Allowing yourself to be flexible in some of the choices you make regarding the wedding is important. Don't be beholden artificial deadlines, be open because you never know when I better idea will come to you. Secondary point, we attempted to please everyone, and when you do this you please no one, especially yourself. No one wants to be a bridezilla, or groomzilla in our case, but this is a time when you have to be selfish. Go ahead and say it out loud: Its all about ME (ok, US)!. People will have a lot of opinions, and when you attempt to accommodate those opinions you'll only end up driving yourself koo-koo crazy. As a couple make the choices that will make you the happiest and don't get caught up in trying to please other people, this is YOUR time.
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